I remember a very specific conversation with my college roommate senior year.
We had just gotten home from a fun night out and somehow ended up mapping out our entire lives over late-night snacks.
We were so sure. She was engaged, and I was dating my high school sweetheart. We’d already been ring shopping.
We had a plan:
Married by 23
First baby at 25
Second by 28
One boy, one girl—obviously
Life figured out by 30
And Then Life Happened
A few months later, I got engaged. For a little while, everything seemed to be going according to plan.
Then we broke up.
Graduation was approaching, I didn’t have a job lined up, and I was single for the first time in my adult life. Suddenly, the future I’d been so certain about looked completely different.
Until then, my life had felt pretty predictable. I had a good childhood, did well in school, got into the one college I applied to, had a steady relationship and made good friends.
Things had generally worked out the way I expected them to.
This was probably the first time I realized they wouldn’t always.
What I Understand Differently Now
And of course, that breakup was only the first way my original plan changed. I didn’t marry the person I thought I would. I didn’t have babies at 25 and 28. Years later, I became a mom through adoption and eventually left my job to stay home with my daughter.
Looking back, what surprises me isn’t that our plan was wrong. It’s how completely certain we were that there even was a plan.
Get married. Have kids. Build a career. Buy a house. By 30, we’d somehow arrive at adulthood with everything settled.
I don’t remember considering that some of those things might happen later, happen differently or not happen at all.
Still Figuring It Out
I sometimes wonder what my college self would think if she could see my life now.
Very little happened according to the timeline she was so certain about. And I certainly didn’t have life figured out by 30.
At 46, I still call my mom every Easter to ask how long to boil eggs and every summer to ask how she makes corn on the cob.
My life looks very different from the one I mapped out at 21.
I think what I understand now is that there was never going to be an age when everything was suddenly figured out.
💌 Before You Go
If this resonated with you, you’re in the right place.
I share honest stories about motherhood, midlife, and all the unexpected detours along the way.
Stick around—I’m really glad you’re here.
Leave a Reply