My husband and I are very different people.
He’s a spender. I’m a saver. He’s always cold. I’m always hot. He’s a dog person. I’m a cat person. He thrives in a crowd. I start mentally planning my exit before we even arrive.
And somehow, we’ve been married for over 15 years.
For a long time, I assumed I’d marry someone a lot like me. My parents have been happily married for more than 55 years and do almost everything together, so I think that became my picture of what marriage was supposed to look like.
Instead, I married someone who would happily stay at a party hours after I’m ready to leave, thinks spending money can be fun, and doesn’t understand why the thermostat is a deeply personal issue.
It turns out our marriage doesn’t need to look like my parents’ marriage to work.
If he wants to golf, he golfs. If I’d rather do something with our daughter, I do that. We spend time together, but we also do plenty of things separately.
I think it works for us because we don’t expect each other to like all the same things or do everything together. We have space to be ourselves.
We’re Very Different Socially
I’m definitely the introvert in our marriage, but you might not guess that if you saw us at a party.
I don’t particularly enjoy small talk, but I dislike awkward silence even more. So once we’re there, I find myself talking to different people and trying to keep conversations going.
My husband can be much quieter.
The funny part is that after about two hours, I’m completely drained and ready to go home. He’s perfectly happy staying and would probably be one of the last people to leave.
So somehow I’m the one doing more talking, but I’m also the one watching the clock and wondering when we can leave.
What I’ve Learned About Our Marriage
For a long time, I thought a close marriage was supposed to look a lot like the one I grew up watching.
Ours doesn’t.
Over time, I’ve realized it doesn’t need to.
We’re very different people, and somehow we’ve figured out what works for us.
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