Navigating Infertility and Adoption: Our “Maybe Baby” Journey

A few years into marriage, I found myself inching closer to what doctors lovingly call the “geriatric” age for pregnancy.

We had always pictured one child—just one—so we decided it was time to step into that strange, emotional space people call the “maybe baby” phase.

If you’ve been there, you already know…

It’s not as lighthearted as it sounds.

The Awkward Reality of Trying to Conceive

Let me just say—I’m awkward by nature, and this phase did not disappoint.

Cue the flood of doctor appointments, invasive questions, and uncomfortable exams.

I tracked everything—cycles, symptoms, moods—and probably knew my body better than I ever had. Every test came back with “good news.”

At least on my end.

Then came my husband’s turn.

He was diagnosed with a low sperm count. Not impossible—just very unlikely.

There was a procedure that could improve our odds, but I left that decision up to him. He chose not to pursue it, and I fully supported him.

Still…that moment quietly changed everything.

The Part I Wish We Had Done Differently

Looking back, I can say this clearly:

This would have been a really good time to get a therapist.

But we didn’t.

No individual support. No couples counseling. Just the two of us trying to navigate something heavy without a roadmap.

It was emotional. Relational. Hormonal. All of it at once.

And if I could go back, I wouldn’t try to “handle it” alone.

When Everyone Starts Asking “When?”

After a few years of marriage, people stop asking if you’re having kids…

…and start asking when.

I started opening up slowly—first to my parents. I’m an only child, and it felt like I was quietly letting them down.

Then a few close friends.

Around me, life kept moving forward. Pregnancy announcements, baby showers, growing families.

They hesitated to tell me, trying to be kind.

And I was genuinely happy for them.

But I was also quietly asking myself:

Why can’t I just have one?

Considering Adoption (and the Unexpected Reactions)

As we began talking about adoption, I started sharing that too.

It felt right—but also unfamiliar. I didn’t personally know anyone who had adopted.

The people closest to us were loving and supportive…
…but unsure how to walk alongside us in something they didn’t understand.

And then there were the comments from others—casual acquaintances, coworkers, even strangers:

“How could you love someone else’s child?”
“My husband would never adopt.”
“We couldn’t love a child that wasn’t ours.”

I remember feeling stunned.

Hurt.

And honestly…a little disappointed in people.

Trying to Find My Footing

So I did what I tend to do when I don’t understand something—

I researched everything.

Read all the stories. Looked for answers. Tried to make sense of what our future might look like.

And somewhere in the middle of all that uncertainty, I found myself saying:

“It’s okay. We’ll just adopt.”

Even when I wasn’t fully sure what that meant yet.

If You’re in the “Maybe Baby” Phase Too

If you’re navigating infertility…
or trying to figure out what comes next…
or quietly wondering if your path to motherhood might look different than you expected—

I see you.

This phase can feel isolating in a way that’s hard to explain.

But you’re not alone—even if it feels that way right now.

What Comes Next

I’ll be sharing more about our adoption journey—what the process actually looked like, what surprised me, and how we eventually became a family.

If you’re walking a similar road, I’d love for you to stick around.

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