When people ask what it’s like being in my mid-forties, I usually say:
It’s not easy, but it comes with perks.
For the first time in my adult life, I’m not trying to keep up or catch up with anyone. There’s a calm that comes with this decade – a sense of knowing who I am and where I’ve landed.
Twenties, Thirties… and Then the Shift
In my twenties, everything felt like a race.
Career paths. Relationships. Living situations. I measured every step against someone else’s timeline.
My thirties weren’t much different – just higher stakes.
Marriage, babies, dream homes, milestone birthdays… all the things I thought I should have by a certain age.
More Reality and More Freedom
But somewhere in my forties, something shifted.
I’ve found myself comparing less. By this age, I’ve seen enough real life to know that no one’s life is as simple as it looks from the outside.
I’ve also let go of relationships that left me feeling small or drained. What’s left are steady, honest people I can be myself around.
The Same Age, Different Stages
One of the strangest parts of this age is how different life can look for people who are the same age.
Some of my friends are still raising young kids. Others have kids in college or children who have already graduated.
We’re roughly the same age, but we can be in completely different stages of parenting.
The Hardest Part: Aging Parents
This is the part of midlife I wasn’t prepared for.
I’m an only child, and my parents are deeply woven into my everyday life. Nearly every time I get in the car, I instinctively hit “Call Mom and Dad.”
But now they’re closer to 80 than 70, and I’m starting to notice small ways our roles are changing.
It’s surreal. And terrifying.
What My Forties Actually Feel Like
In some ways, harder than I expected. I’m watching my parents get older while raising a child of my own. My body is changing. The people around me are moving through losses, changes and completely different stages of life.
But I’m also more comfortable with where I am.
I spent a lot of my twenties and thirties wondering if I was keeping up. Was I where I was supposed to be? Was everyone else somehow doing adulthood better than I was?
I don’t think about that nearly as much anymore.
I still don’t have everything figured out.
But I know myself better now.
And so far, that might be my favorite part of getting older.
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