As I mentioned in a previous post, we entered the “we’ll just adopt” phase of our parenting journey. I say “we”, but realistically, I was the one diving in first.
I’m analytical by nature – I thrive on research, talking with others, attending info sessions, and joining support groups. My husband? Not so much. While he had conversations with friends and family, they stayed mostly surface-level. Meanwhile, I was knee-deep in learning everything I could.
Learning About Adoption Options
One of the first things I did was meet with a friend of a friend – someone who had gone through private adoption.
Yes, use your extended network: friends of friends, coworkers, that acquaintance from years ago you saw post about adoption – reach out! Ask questions.
That meeting was eye-opening. I realized I didn’t even know the different types of adoption. At that point, I thought there was just…adoption. That conversation helped me see how much I still needed to learn.
The Main Types of Adoption
After doing some initial research, I discovered three primary types of adoption:
- Foster Care Adoption
- Private Domestic Adoption
- International Adoption
(Some people group private and international together, but I always thought of them as distinct options.)
Why We Chose Foster Care Adoption
After only a short time researching, foster care adoption seemed like the best fit for our family. Here’s why we didn’t pursue private or international adoption:
- Cost: Private and international adoption can come with significant financial investment. We quickly realized our budget wouldn’t allow for the associated expenses.
- Uncertainty: With private adoption, we’d potentially be responsible for prenatal care and medical costs. There was also the emotional reality that a biological mother could change her mind after birth – and that scared me.
- The Selection Process: Private adoption often involves presenting your family profile to expectant mothers, hoping to be chosen. I worried we’d never be picked.
- International Travel: International adoption included high costs plus travel and extended stays in the child’s birth country, which wasn’t feasible for us at the time.
Foster care adoption felt like the most realistic, affordable, and potentially fastest option.
Getting Started with Foster Care Adoption
After deciding on foster care, we attended a local foster/adoption info night hosted by a church. We met incredible families, heard honest stories, and left feeling inspired.
At first, we decided we’d adopt a 5- or 6-year-old—someone who was potty trained, could communicate, and whose needs were easier to assess.
Race and gender didn’t matter to us – we just wanted to build our family through adoption.
Armed with that decision, I began emailing foster care agencies I found on Google. I thought I had it all figured out.
What I’d Do Differently
Looking back, there are many things I would do differently. And that’s part of why I’m writing this blog – to share what we did right, what we learned the hard way, and what we’d change if we could start again.
If you’re interested in more of the emotional side, I’ve also written about understanding trauma in adoption and how foster care training broke my heart.
Your Turn – What Helped You Decide?
Have you struggled to choose the right type of adoption for your family? What helped you decide – and what would you change if you could?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s support one another through this journey.
💌 If you’re walking through foster care or adoption – or just considering it – I’d love for you to join my email community. I share honest stories, encouragement, and resources you won’t always find on the blog. Subscribe below and we can walk this journey together.
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