We were still in the middle of our home study—checking boxes, filling out paperwork, making sure everything in our house met the requirements.
I thought that would be the hardest part.
It wasn’t.
The hardest part was the training.
No one really prepares you for what foster care training actually feels like.
Reframe Expectation
I’ve always loved school.
I like learning. I like structure. I like being in a classroom.
So when we signed up for our required foster care training hours, I assumed I’d handle it just fine.
But this wasn’t that kind of learning.
If I could go back, I’d tell myself something simple:
“This isn’t personal. Just focus on what you need to learn.”
Not because the stories don’t matter.
But because they matter so much, it’s easy to get overwhelmed.
The Emotional Weight
I cried through many of the sessions.
The trauma. The neglect. The abuse.
It was more than any child should ever have to endure.
Some classes included experienced foster parents sharing their stories.
And if I’m being honest—there were days I wished I hadn’t heard them.
Not because they weren’t important.
But because I didn’t yet know how to carry what I was hearing.
The Shift
That’s the part no one really explains.
You’re not just learning policies or procedures.
You’re being asked to sit with realities you can’t fix.
And at the same time, you’re expected to absorb practical tools you’ll need later.
It’s a lot to hold all at once.
What I Took From It
Even through the tears, I learned things I couldn’t have learned any other way:
What trauma can look like in real life
How safety goes far beyond locks and checklists
What it really means to show up for a child who has experienced loss
It wasn’t easy learning.
But it was necessary.
Would I Do It Again?
Yes.
Without hesitation.
Every foster and adoptive parent I’ve met says some version of the same thing:
“It’s hard. But I’d do it again.”
Because these kids are worth it.
That doesn’t make it less painful.
But it makes it meaningful.
This Part Stays With You
Even now, years later, it still hits me.
Not long ago, I was sitting in a foster parent support group, listening to a guest speaker—and I found myself crying again.
The ache doesn’t fully go away.
But I’ve come to understand that’s not a bad thing.
It means you still care.
If You’re in Training Right Now
If you’re in the middle of foster care training, here’s what I wish I had known:
You don’t have to shut off your emotions—but you do need to stay grounded enough to learn.
Find support early. A therapist, a support group, or even one person who understands this world can make a huge difference.
Don’t try to carry everything on your own.
You weren’t meant to.
Foster care will stretch you in ways you don’t expect.
It will break your heart.
There were moments I wanted to quit.
But I kept coming back to one thought:
There’s a child out there who needs someone to stay.
So I stayed.
If you’re walking this journey, these posts may help you prepare for what’s ahead:
- Understanding Trauma in Adoption: What I Wish I Had Known
- Choosing a Foster Care Agency: What I Wish I Knew Before We Started
- Find Your Calm Now: What Helped Me Through the Journey
If you’ve been through foster care training, what surprised you most?
I’d love to hear your experience—your words might be exactly what someone else needs right now.
💌 I share honest stories about adoption, trauma, and motherhood—the hard parts, the healing parts, and everything in between. Subscribe below if you’d like to stay connected.
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