Choosing a Foster Care Agency: What I Wish I Knew Before We Started

In my last post, I shared how we decided to pursue foster care adoption.

At the time, we had a plan: we thought a 5- or 6-year-old would be the best fit for our family.

So I did what I always do—

I started Googling.

I reached out to local foster care agencies, sent emails, and waited for responses. It was late summer, and I remember thinking:

Maybe we’ll have a child in our home by Christmas.

I was hopeful. Excited.

And completely unprepared for what came next.

What I Wish I Had Known First

Before I talk about agencies, I need to say this—because it matters more than anything else I’m about to share:

I wish I had found a therapist at the very beginning.

If you’re considering foster care or adoption, please don’t skip this.

This process brings up emotions you don’t expect.

I remember imagining a child who had never experienced something as simple as a visit from Santa.

But the truth is—
for many of these children, holiday magic isn’t what they’re missing most.

They’re carrying trauma.

And I wasn’t prepared to fully understand that—or my own reactions to it—without support.

Your mental health matters.

Not just for you…
but for your marriage, your home, and the child who may one day depend on you.

Our First Steps (and What We Missed)

When the first agency responded, we were thrilled.

We scheduled a meeting right away, full of hope and ready to move forward.

Looking back now, I can see how little we actually understood.

We weren’t asking the right questions—because we didn’t yet know what mattered.

Questions I Wish I Had Asked Sooner

If you’re choosing a foster care agency, don’t just focus on getting approved.

Focus on finding the right fit.

Here are the questions I wish I had asked upfront:

What kind of training do you offer around trauma and mental health?
How long does the approval process typically take?
What age groups do you most often place?
How do foster-to-adopt placements usually begin?
What role will we play in biological family visits?
What kind of ongoing support do you provide after placement?

Asking better questions early could have saved us a lot of confusion—and stress—later.

When Expectations Start to Shift

As we learned more, we realized something important:

Our original plan might not be the best fit.

We started considering a baby instead.

But our agency didn’t often place infants.

And slowly, things started to feel off.

At times, it felt like we were being encouraged to accept placements we weren’t prepared for.

That tension created stress—and uncertainty.

And it taught me something I now tell anyone starting this journey:

Not every agency is the right agency for you.

The Part No One Prepares You For

As we moved forward, we began applying to be considered for specific children.

And that’s when we heard something we weren’t expecting:

We didn’t have “enough experience.”

More than once.

That was hard.

It’s not easy to feel like your heart is ready—but your resume isn’t.

But now I understand:

It wasn’t personal.

It was about making sure the placement was right—for the child and for us.

Still, it’s something I wish I had known earlier:

You won’t be considered for every child.
And it doesn’t mean you’re not meant to be a parent.

Please Don’t Rush This Part

If you’re early in your foster care or adoption journey, slow down here.

Choosing an agency isn’t just a step—it’s a foundation.

Look for an agency that:

Aligns with your values
Communicates clearly
Prepares you for the realities—not just the process
Offers real, ongoing support

These are the people who will walk alongside you through some of your hardest and most meaningful moments.

Choose them carefully.

What Comes Next

At this point in our story, we were just beginning the home study and training process.

And I’ll be honest—

This is where things start to get real.

If you’re walking this path, these posts may help you understand the bigger picture:

If you’ve gone through the process of choosing an agency, what do you wish you had known?

I’d love to hear your experience in the comments.

💌 And if you’re just starting your foster care or adoption journey, you don’t have to figure it all out alone. Subscribe below for honest stories, lessons learned, and encouragement along the way.