Nothing has made it quite as obvious that I’m in my forties as reading glasses.
They’re everywhere now. I have a pair in the kitchen, bathroom, car, purse and next to my bed. At least one pair is missing at all times. Not actually gone—just temporarily outsmarting me.
And apparently this is necessary, because I’ve reached the point where I can’t read half the things I’m buying without them.
Why Is the Print So Small?
Can we talk about the packaging for “mature skin” products?
I’m pretty sure the font is size negative three.
We’re literally the target audience, and we’re also the people most likely to need reading glasses to see the directions.
Who approved this?
Then Came the Progressives
At my last eye appointment, I got the news.
“You’re ready for progressives.”
Progressives. Such a nice word. It makes it sound like we’re all just progressing gracefully through life.
They’re bifocals with a PR team.
I brought them home, put them on and immediately questioned everything. I tried to get used to them.
I never adjusted.
So despite owning actual prescription glasses designed to solve this problem, I still rely on my collection of cheap readers scattered throughout the house.
Apparently My Friends Are Here Too
Not long ago, I went to dinner with four friends. At some point, one pair of reading glasses started making its way around the table.
“Wait, let me see those.”
“Hold on, I need them next.”
“Are these stronger than mine?”
We used to share lip gloss.
Now we share magnification.
I can’t decide whether that’s depressing or hilarious.
Probably both.
Forgetting my glasses when I’m shopping creates a different problem. I’ve found myself standing in a store holding a tag six inches from my face, squinting and trying to determine exactly what I’m agreeing to pay.
Is that $6.99? $8.99? An unexpected $16.99?
At that point, I’m basically making a financial decision on faith.
I suppose I could solve some of this by keeping track of my glasses.
But considering I now own approximately five pairs specifically so I don’t have to keep track of one pair, that seems unlikely.
Maybe six pairs is the answer.
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