When did “dream school” become part of our everyday vocabulary?
I honestly don’t remember anyone saying that when I was a teenager. We took the PSAT and SAT, filled out college applications, waited for acceptance letters, and hoped for the best. But the idea of chasing a perfect, life-defining school starting in middle school wasn’t part of the conversation in my circle of friends.
I always assumed I’d go to college, but I didn’t obsess over it. I did my homework, studied for tests, hung out with my friends, and went to class. I wasn’t launching nonprofits or inventing apps as a résumé booster. I was just living my life.
When it came time to choose a college, I picked a state school. Why? Honestly, no dramatic reason. Some of my friends were going there. It felt practical. I chose business management because it sounded broad enough to keep doors open. At seventeen, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life – and at forty-five, I’m still figuring it out.
Growing Up Without a “Plan”
Looking back, sometimes I wonder if I missed out by not having a dream school or a five-year plan. But maybe there was freedom in that.
I didn’t treat every decision like it was going to make or break my entire future. No one told me one slip-up would ruin my chances of getting into the “right” college. I got to be uncertain, awkward, curious, and young – without feeling like I needed a polished résumé by age thirteen.
Today, the pressure feels so much heavier. I see kids building résumés before they’ve even finished puberty. Middle schoolers are thinking about how their extracurriculars will “look” on a college application. Parents talk about AP classes and volunteer hours like they’re survival tools for a storm already rolling in.
And it makes me wonder: Does all this pressure help? Or are we just stealing the joy of being young for a little longer?
How That Pressure Shapes the Way I Parent
My own lack of direction as a teen definitely affects how I parent now.
I don’t push my daughter to stick with activities she doesn’t enjoy. If she tries something and doesn’t like it – whether it’s the instructor, the class dynamic, or the activity itself – we move on.
She’s tried several sports (spoiler: not her thing), and she’s played around with art classes, gymnastics, sewing, and ceramics. She loved hand-building pottery but hated the wheel. Sewing is her favorite. She tried Girl Scouts for a couple years and decided it wasn’t for her.
And I’m okay with that.
I’d rather her explore until something clicks than stick with something that drains her just to “look good” someday. I want her to grow up knowing she can speak up for herself – knowing she can choose when to stay and when to walk away.
The Balloon Story (And Why It Stuck With Me)
A friend recently hosted an event with high school honor students volunteering. One girl was assigned to the balloon station – tying balloons for hours.
At the end of the night, her fingers were sore and even bloody.
She hadn’t said a word. She just kept going.
Was she that determined to earn volunteer hours? For a line on her application?
I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Yes, she didn’t quit. But at what cost?
If raising a “quitter” means raising a kid who knows when to speak up before something hurts – physically or emotionally – then sign me up. Volunteer hours aren’t worth pain, stress, or silence.
Maybe the Dream Isn’t the School
I honestly don’t believe I would’ve been happier at some other college. How would I even know? We only get to live the version of life we choose.
Maybe the issue isn’t not having a dream school – it’s believing that our worth comes from having one. That kids need to know who they are and where they’re going before they’ve had any time to actually live.
Maybe the real “dream” isn’t a school at all.
Maybe it’s raising kids who take their time, try things, change their minds, and trust that their life doesn’t have to follow a flawless plan.
A Closing Reflection
I don’t have all the answers, so I’ll keep asking questions.
Is it better to have a dream school as motivation – or to let life unfold and be content with where it leads?
Maybe the answer is somewhere in between.
But if my daughter grows up knowing how to speak up for herself, pivot when needed, and find joy in discovering what fits her, then I think she’ll be ready for whatever her version of “dream” turns out to be.
I’d love to hear from you.
Did you grow up with “dream school” pressure or is it something your kids are facing now?
Share your experience in the comments. Your voice helps other parents feel less alone.
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