When did having a “dream school” become such a big part of growing up?
I don’t remember hearing that phrase much when I was a teenager. We took the SAT, filled out college applications, waited for acceptance letters, and figured out where we were going.
At least, that’s how it worked among my friends.
I always assumed I’d go to college, but I didn’t have a particular school in mind. I did my homework, spent time with friends, and generally enjoyed being a teenager. I wasn’t thinking about how my activities would look on a college application years down the road.
When it came time to choose a college, I picked a state school. Some of my friends were going there, it seemed practical, and I was comfortable with the decision.
I chose business management as my major because it sounded broad enough to leave my options open.
At seventeen, I had very little idea what I wanted to do with my life.
And looking back, I don’t think that was necessarily a bad thing.
When Did We Start Planning So Far Ahead?
I know there were teenagers with big college ambitions when I was growing up. I just wasn’t one of them, and neither were most of my friends.
Now I hear more conversations about dream schools, competitive admissions, extracurricular activities, and preparing children for opportunities that are still years away.
I understand wanting to give kids every possible advantage. I want my daughter to have opportunities, too.
But I sometimes wonder why children’s interests need to be connected to what they might eventually become.
Why can’t a child enjoy art without anyone wondering whether they’ll become an artist? Or play a sport without thinking about scholarships or how far they might go?
My daughter is still young, and I honestly don’t think about how her current activities might influence her future career. Right now, I just want her to have opportunities to try different things, discover what she enjoys, and have fun along the way.
Giving My Daughter Room to Figure Things Out
My daughter has tried several sports. So far, sports have not been her thing.
She’s also tried art classes, gymnastics, ceramics, Girl Scouts, and sewing.
She loved hand-building pottery but didn’t enjoy working on the pottery wheel. She participated in Girl Scouts for a couple of years before deciding she was ready to move on.
Sewing, on the other hand, has become a favorite.
I like that she’s had the chance to try different things. Sometimes she discovers something she enjoys, and sometimes she learns that an activity isn’t what she expected.
Both seem worthwhile to me.
I don’t want her to feel obligated to continue an activity simply because we’ve already invested time in it or because it might be useful someday.
Of course, that doesn’t mean I want her to quit every time something becomes difficult. Learning to work through frustration and follow through on commitments matters, too.
But I think there’s a difference between encouraging perseverance and insisting that a child stick with something that genuinely isn’t a good fit.
And I’m still figuring out where that line belongs.
There’s Time to Figure It Out
Looking back, I’m glad I approached college the way I did. I didn’t have my heart set on one particular school, and I didn’t spend my teenage years worrying about whether I’d get accepted somewhere.
The idea of building so much of your future around getting into one particular school sounds incredibly stressful to me. What happens if you don’t get accepted? Does it suddenly feel like everything you’ve worked toward was for nothing?
I wouldn’t change my experience. I enjoyed those years without feeling like every decision was tied to a particular outcome.
If my daughter eventually has a dream school, I’ll be excited to help her explore it. If she doesn’t, that’s fine, too.
I just hope she has the freedom to figure out what she wants along the way, without feeling like she needs to have her whole life planned out before she’s had a chance to live it.
If you’re also figuring out parenting, midlife, and all the unexpected turns along the way, you’re welcome to follow along. I share personal stories about family life, what we’re learning, and the things that don’t always go as planned.
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