As I share our adoption journey, I try to be honest about two things:
What helped…
and what I wish I had done differently.
One thing I can’t recommend enough?
Find your calm early—and protect it fiercely.
Because this process isn’t just emotional.
It’s exhausting.
Why Support Needs to Go Beyond Friends and Family
Your friends and family love you.
But most of them haven’t walked through adoption or foster care.
They’ll ask how things are going with the best intentions—but answering over and over, especially during the hard stretches, can wear you down.
At some point, I started to feel like I was always bringing the heavy stuff.
Like I was the “negative one”—even when I was just being honest.
And the truth is, there’s a lot of unseen heartbreak in the foster care system.
Talking about it constantly can feel like too much.
That’s why you need space where you don’t have to explain everything—
where you can just process.
The Reality You’re Carrying
Foster care is built around reunification.
And that means you may walk through:
- Classes
- Home visits
- Placements
- Delays
- Goodbyes
It’s not a straight path.
And while all of that is happening, you still have to function as a person, a partner, and eventually—a parent.
That’s why calm isn’t optional.
It’s necessary.
What Actually Helped Me
For me, the biggest reset has been simple:
I walk.
Outside when I can.
Inside when I can’t.
There’s something about movement that helps everything settle—my thoughts, my emotions, my reactions.
Some days it’s a quiet walk around the neighborhood.
Other days, I use a walking pad at home, especially when the weather isn’t cooperating.
It’s simple, nothing fancy—but it lets me move without overthinking it. Some days I’m in workout clothes, other days I’m in pajamas just trying to reset after a long day.
The consistency matters more than anything.
Why Calm Matters More Than You Think
I wasn’t prepared for trauma.
Not the kind that shows up in big emotions, sudden outbursts, or moments that completely derail the day.
And in those moments, staying calm feels almost impossible.
But it also matters more than anything.
Kids pick up on everything.
If I’m overwhelmed, tense, or reactive—it spreads.
And sometimes the most honest version of “staying calm” looks like:
Stepping into another room
Closing the door
Taking a breath
Or yes…grabbing chocolate from the pantry
Small Ways I Find Calm in the Middle of It All
Not every moment allows you to step away for a walk.
Sometimes you’re in the middle of it—appointments, long days, emotional conversations, or just trying to get through bedtime.
That’s when the smaller things matter.
Sometimes it’s something as simple as a good-smelling body scrub or lotion—something grounding that brings me back into the moment for a few minutes.
Other times, it’s putting on a familiar show at the end of the day and letting my brain rest instead of replaying everything that happened.
None of these things are big.
But they give me small pockets of calm when I need them most.
Some people find calm in things like deep breathing, a quick yoga video, or even scheduling a massage when stress starts to build.
I’ve tried some of those too in different seasons.
But what I’ve learned is this:
It doesn’t have to be complicated.
It just has to be something you’ll actually return to when things feel hard.
Make It Work for Real Life
The biggest thing I’ve learned is this:
You don’t need one perfect coping tool.
You need options.
Things that work:
- At home
- In the car
- In public
- At night
- When you’re overwhelmed
- When you’re just trying to stay steady
Your calm has to be flexible.
Bring It Home
Adoption and foster care will stretch you in ways you don’t expect.
And you can’t wait until things feel hard to figure out how to cope.
You need your calm now.
Some days, finding calm looks like a long walk.
Other days, it looks like stepping away for five minutes just to breathe.
It doesn’t have to be perfect.
It just has to be enough to get through the moment.
Practice it. Protect it. Come back to it again and again.
More from This Journey
If you’re walking this road, these posts may help too:
- Understanding Trauma in Adoption: What I Wish I Had Known
- “She’s So Lucky to Have You” — Why Adoption Isn’t About Luck
- Why Everything Becomes a Battle with an ADHD Child
💌 Before You Go…
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone.
I write honestly about adoption, trauma, and motherhood—the hard parts, the healing parts, and everything in between.
Subscribe below if you’d like to walk this journey together.
Mindful Momma Moments 
Leave a comment