As I share our adoption journey on this blog, I try to offer both what helped and what I wish I had done differently. One thing I can’t recommend enough? Find calm early and protect it fiercely.
I always encourage others to find a good therapist to walk alongside them during the adoption or foster care process. But I also suggest developing daily outlets to calm your spirit, because the emotional rollercoaster isn’t just real – it’s exhausting.
Why You Need More Than Just Friends and Family
Your friends and family love you, but most probably haven’t been through adoption. They’ll ask how things are going with kind intentions, but answering over and over – especially during the hard stretches – can wear you down. You start to feel like the “negative Nancy” in your circle, even if that’s not your intent.
It’s heartbreaking how much unseen sadness you discover in the foster care system. Talking about it all the time can feel like too much – for you and for others. That’s why it’s so important to build space where you can process without having to explain.
Foster Care: The Reality Behind the Process
The heart of foster care is reunification – working to return children to their biological families. And if you’re walking this road, you’ll likely be present for every twist and turn: classes, respite care, meet-and-greets, home visits, placements, delays, and goodbyes. It’s a lot.
And while all of that is happening, you need a steady way to care for your mental and physical well-being.
What Helps Me: Walking as a Reset Button
My personal calm outlet? I walk.
Outside in my neighborhood.
Inside on my walking pad.
I love my walking pad—it folds away neatly into a closet and maxes out at about 3.8 mph, perfect for a steady walker like me. I can use it early in the morning, late at night, in my jammies or dressed for the day. I’ll pop on a show or podcast and just walk it out.
The walking pad I use is simple, compact, and folds up easily when I’m not using it. It’s perfect for small spaces and keeps me moving even when it’s raining, snowing, or too humid to go outside.
You can see the current version of my walking pad on Amazon.
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We live where summers are humid and winters are harsh, so being able to walk indoors without worrying about weather is amazing.
That motion helps me process and reset.
It brings balance.
It gives me space to breathe.
Trauma Is Real – and Staying Calm Is Critical
I’ve said before (and will say again): I was not prepared for trauma. Not the kind that shows up in angry outbursts, in chaos, or in moments that break your heart.
In those moments, staying calm is so hard – but it’s also the most important thing you can do. Kids often mirror the stress they sense around them. If I’m tense and overwhelmed, it ripples out.
And honestly? Sometimes the only way to stay calm is to walk into another room and shut the door. Or sneak into the pantry for chocolate. Or do deep breathing until my heart slows down.
Find Your Tools and Use Them Often
One thing that’s helped me is using fidget rings for anxiety. They’re discreet and grounding especially when I’m out in public or stuck in the car.
These fidget rings for anxiety are one of my favorite small tools for calm. They spin quietly, come in fun colors, and are surprisingly grounding when I’m anxious or overstimulated (especially during long appointments or car rides). Here’s the set I use and love on Amazon.
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Whether it’s a walk, a fidget ring, a piece of chocolate, or a calming playlist – you need tools that work in different settings:
- At home
- In the car
- At the store
- At bedtime
- When you’re alone or surrounded by people
Practice your tools. Fine-tune them. Make them yours.
Because adoption and foster care are a lot.
And you need your calm now more than ever.
If this resonates with your heart, you’re not alone. I write honestly about trauma, adoption, and motherhood – the hard parts, the healing parts, and everything in between.
Mindful Momma Moments 
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