In my last post about our adoption journey, I shared that we had decided to adopt through foster care. At the time, we believed a 5- or 6-year-old would be the best fit for our little family.
I started by Googling local foster care agencies and reaching out. It was late summer, and I remember thinking – maybe we’ll have a child in our home by Christmas. I was filled with hope and excitement.
What I didn’t realize then was just how heavy the next steps would be.
What I Wish I Knew Before We Chose an Agency
One of the most important things I wish I had done at the very beginning? Found a good therapist.
If you’re considering adoption through foster care, I cannot stress this enough: prioritize your mental health.
This process brings up complicated, layered emotions. I remember imagining a child who had never experienced something as simple as a visit from Santa. But the truth is, for many of these children, holiday magic is the least of their concerns.
The trauma many of these kids carry is deep, and I was not prepared to understand it fully without professional support.
Your emotional health matters – not just for you, but for your marriage, your family, and the child who may one day call your house home.
Our First Steps – and Missteps
When we got our first response from an agency, we were thrilled. We scheduled an initial meeting, hopeful and wide-eyed.
Looking back now, I realize how little we knew.
These are the questions I wish I had asked before choosing a foster care agency:
- What kind of training do you offer, especially around mental health and trauma?
- How long is the typical approval process?
- What age groups do you most often place?
- How do foster-to-adopt placements typically begin?
- Will we meet children through adoption events or other settings?
- How involved will we be with biological family visits?
Asking the right questions early on could have saved us stress later.
Adjusting Expectations
We eventually shifted our age preference, deciding a baby might be a better fit for our family and lifestyle.
Unfortunately, our agency didn’t often work with infants. I sometimes felt like we were being encouraged to accept placements far outside our comfort zone or experience level.
That misalignment created unnecessary stress – and reinforced something I now tell anyone starting this journey: find an agency that genuinely supports your goals.
Interviewing to Adopt Isn’t Always Easy
As we moved forward, we began applying and interviewing for specific children. I’ll share more about that part in another post, but here’s something I wasn’t prepared for:
We were told more than once that we didn’t have “enough experience” to adopt certain children.
That was hard to hear. But now I understand that it wasn’t personal – it was about protecting both the child and us.
Still, it’s something worth knowing early: you won’t be considered for every child. Sometimes it has nothing to do with your heart or intentions. It’s about training, background, and readiness.
Please Don’t Rush This Part
If you’re early in your journey to adopt through foster care, take your time choosing an agency.
This isn’t something to rush through just to “get started.” It’s a deeply personal, emotional, and life-changing process.
Find an agency that:
- Shares your values
- Offers real support and guidance
- Communicates clearly and consistently
- Prepares you well for the realities of foster care and adoption
Your agency and caseworkers will be your partners for a long time – choose carefully.
What’s Next for Us
At this point in our story, we were just beginning the home study process and training classes.
And let me tell you… buckle up. This next phase? It’s not smooth sailing. But it is worth it.
Tools That May Help on Your Journey
Highly rated Amazon picks – handpicked for moms navigating adoption, foster parenting, and self-care.
- Trauma‑Informed Parenting: Healing Your Child’s Past – A gentle, evidence-based guide for parents facing trauma-related challenges.
- My Foster Care Notebook – A structured journal to track visits, appointments, moods, and milestones.
- Self‑Care for Moms: 150+ Real Ways to Care for Yourself – A practical workbook to fit help you show up as your best self.
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