There’s one question that comes up almost every time I meet someone new.
“What do you do?”
It’s a perfectly normal question, but I’ve never quite known how to answer it.
I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for several years. It wasn’t something I fell into because I didn’t know what else to do. My husband and I planned for it.
Before we adopted our daughter, we saved money. We bought and sold fixer-uppers. We made choices that would eventually give us enough flexibility for me to leave my job and stay home with her.
It was something I wanted.
It still is.
And yet, when someone asks what I do, I still find myself saying some version of:
“I just stay home with our daughter. I quit my job when we adopted her.”
I Had a Life Before I Stayed Home
Before becoming a stay-at-home mom, I worked in a corporate job. I was involved in volunteer organizations, attended meetings, and had a professional identity that was easy to explain.
When someone asked what I did, I had an answer. I could tell them my job title, where I worked, and a little about what I did there.
Now, my days look completely different.
There are school schedules and appointments. Groceries and laundry. Forms that need to be returned. Things that need to be replaced before anyone else realizes we’ve run out.
It’s not that I have less to do. It’s that what I do is harder to summarize in a conversation.
And maybe that’s part of why I find myself reaching for an explanation instead of simply saying that I stay home with our daughter.
Why Do I Feel the Need to Explain Myself?
The strange part is that I am not unhappy with my choice.
I wouldn’t trade the years I’ve had at home with my daughter. Being available for school, appointments, and whatever our family needs matters so much to me.
I also know being able to make this choice was a privilege. Plenty of parents would like to stay home and can’t. Others have no desire to, and that’s just as valid.
But I think that awareness sometimes makes me hesitant to simply say that I am happy being a stay-at-home mom.
I feel like I need to qualify it.
I used to work.
We planned for this.
I do plenty during the day.
Here’s why it makes sense for our family.
I can turn a simple question into an explanation no one actually asked for.
A Complete Answer
I don’t think I need to call myself the CEO of our household. I don’t need to list everything I accomplish in a day or argue that staying home is harder than working outside the home.
I don’t need to make staying home sound more important than it is.
I also don’t need to make it sound less important.
So I’m trying to give a much simpler answer now.
“I stay home with our daughter.”
That’s it.
It took me a surprisingly long time to realize that was a complete answer.
If you’re also navigating parenting, midlife, and the parts of family life that don’t always go as expected, you’re welcome to follow along. I share what I’m learning through our family’s experiences, one story at a time.
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