They call it the sandwich generation – the people caught between raising kids and caring for aging parents. For me, the hardest part isn’t juggling both roles. It’s realizing I miss my parents’ youth more than I miss my daughter’s baby years.
Many moms say they miss the baby phase or feel sad about how fast their kids grow up. I’m the opposite. I find each new chapter exciting and love being on this adventure with my daughter. What’s difficult about this “sandwich” phase is watching my parents age. I don’t miss the nap schedules or baby gates on the stairs – I miss the days when I didn’t worry about my parents slowing down or taking a fall.
The Diagnosis That Changed Everything
In November 2020, sitting in my parents’ freezing garage to celebrate my birthday during COVID, my dad shared something that shattered me: his doctor had diagnosed him with dementia.
Since then, he’s doing surprisingly well. Sure, he forgets where he puts things sometimes – but don’t we all? He still carries on conversations, teaches classes for adults over 55, volunteers at a local museum, does stained glass, and tinkers with pocket watches. Honestly, he seems more engaged with life than I do on some days.
Trying to Understand What Comes Next
More recently, my dad was tested for Alzheimer’s disease. I went with him to appointments, read the information we were given, and kept thinking, No way. He seems too put-together.
But the results confirmed that he has Alzheimer’s. He has also been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease.
I had understood that my dad had dementia, but hearing these additional diagnoses made everything feel different. Even after reading about them and attending appointments, I still struggle to understand what they might mean for his future.
An Only Child’s Perspective
My dad and I are close. He taught me how to ride a bike, budget my paycheck, figure out a mortgage, and be a decent person. He’s my go-to for anything financial or house-related. Every time I hit a fork in the road, I call for advice. We laugh together, pick on my mom together, and share a connection I treasure.
And now I wonder: how do you prepare for a future where the person who taught you so much might forget who you are? What if he forgets my name or that I’m his daughter?
Being an only child is wonderful, but it also intensifies these worries. I grew up playing with my parents, helping make family decisions, and arguing when I wanted my way. That closeness hits differently when you don’t have siblings to share it with.
Finding Light in the Present
My daughter adores her grandpa. From piggyback rides to cracking open geodes, walks, vacations, and countless little adventures, he’s taught her so much about life, patience, and kindness. Watching their bond reminds me to savor the moments now, even while the future feels uncertain.
So, I’m learning to find beauty in the present and not borrow trouble from tomorrow.
I’ve read that it helps to have a plan. I’m starting to organize my parents’ doctors, medications, and diagnoses; ask about their preferred rehab centers in case of a fall; and research local care facilities and waitlists. It helps me feel better knowing these are their wishes – not something I’ll have to guess or force under stress.
I also purchased a memory book that helps prompt storytelling and spark conversations about his past. It’s been such a meaningful way to preserve memories and capture my dad’s stories.
I love watching my daughter grow up. Each new stage brings something different, and I genuinely look forward to seeing who she becomes.
Watching my parents get older feels different. I don’t know what the next few years will look like, and there are parts of that uncertainty I find difficult to think about.
For now, I’m trying to do both: prepare for what might come while continuing to enjoy the time we have together.
I can’t stop my parents from getting older. But I don’t want to spend these years worrying so much about the future that I miss what’s happening right in front of me.
If you’re also navigating parenting, aging parents, midlife, and all the changes that come with this stage of life, you’re welcome to follow along. I share personal stories about family life, the challenges, and what I’m learning along the way.
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