They call it the sandwich generation – the people caught between raising kids and caring for aging parents. For me, the hardest part isn’t juggling both roles. It’s realizing I miss my parents’ youth more than I miss my daughter’s baby years.
Many moms say they miss the baby phase or feel sad about how fast their kids grow up. I’m the opposite. I find each new chapter exciting and love being on this adventure with my daughter. What’s difficult about this “sandwich” phase is watching my parents age. I don’t miss the nap schedules or baby gates on the stairs – I miss the days when I didn’t worry about my parents slowing down or taking a fall.
The Diagnosis That Changed Everything
In November 2020, sitting in my parents’ freezing garage to celebrate my birthday during COVID, my dad shared something that shattered me: his doctor had diagnosed him with dementia.
Five years later, he’s doing surprisingly well. Sure, he forgets where he puts things sometimes – but don’t we all? He still carries on conversations, teaches classes for adults over 55, volunteers at a local museum, does stained glass, and tinkers with pocket watches. Honestly, he seems more engaged with life than I do on some days.
When Dementia Becomes Alzheimer’s
Recently, my dad took a test to see if he also has Alzheimer’s disease. I went with him to the appointments, read all the online information, and kept thinking, No way – he seems too put-together. But the results came back: he does have Alzheimer’s.
Even with all I’ve read, I still struggle to fully understand the connection and differences between dementia and Alzheimer’s – or how one leads into the other. Either way, it’s heavy to process.
An Only Child’s Perspective
As an only child, I can’t help but write from a “selfish” perspective. My mom has joined a local caregiver support group – it gives her resources and encouragement, even though Dad doesn’t need care yet. But there aren’t really groups for adult children of parents with dementia or Alzheimer’s, and that feels like a big miss.
My dad and I are close. He taught me how to ride a bike, budget my paycheck, figure out a mortgage, and be a decent person. He’s my go-to for anything financial or house-related. Every time I hit a fork in the road, I call for advice. We laugh together, pick on my mom together, and share a connection I treasure.
And now I wonder: how do you prepare for a future where the person who taught you so much might forget who you are? What if he forgets my name or that I’m his daughter?
Being an only child is wonderful, but it also intensifies these worries. I grew up playing with my parents, helping make family decisions, and arguing when I wanted my way. That closeness hits differently when you don’t have siblings to share it with.
Finding Light in the Present
My daughter adores her grandpa. From piggyback rides to cracking open geodes, walks, vacations, and countless little adventures, he’s taught her so much about life, patience, and kindness. Watching their bond reminds me to savor the moments now, even while the future feels uncertain.
So I’m learning to find the beauty in the present and not borrow trouble from tomorrow.
I’ve read that it helps to have a plan. I’m starting to organize my parents’ doctors, medications, and diagnoses; ask about their preferred rehab centers in case of a fall; and research local care facilities and waitlists. It helps me feel better knowing these are their wishes – not something I’ll have to guess or force under stress.
I also purchased a memory book (similar to this on Amazon) that helps prompt storytelling and spark conversations about the past. It’s been such a meaningful way to preserve memories and capture my dad’s stories.
For those of you who have parents facing Alzheimer’s or dementia – what has helped you navigate this journey? Are there treatments, routines, or perspectives that have helped your parent stay engaged? Any advice you’d give me or my dad?
Your stories and insights might be exactly what another reader – or another daughter in this same “sandwich” – needs to hear today. 💜
Mindful Momma Moments 
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