Never in a million years did I think I’d feel so defeated by third grade. That’s right – third grade. Right here in the middle of elementary school, I feel like I’m going through it all over again…and this time, it’s much harder.
The Reality of Our Afternoons
My daughter has dyslexia and ADHD, which makes sitting in a classroom all day an uphill climb. By pickup time, she’s completely spent – emotionally, mentally, and physically. Meltdowns are common. Screaming, crying, sometimes even throwing things. And honestly? I don’t blame her.
Our schedule is packed:
- Tutoring twice a week
- Occupational therapy once a week
- Behavioral therapy once a week
- One “fun” activity – sewing, which she loves, but still requires focus and effort
That leaves little room for downtime, and certainly not much for more work. She’s tired, and she needs a lot of sleep to function at school, which means an early bedtime too.
The Homework Battle
By the time we get home, the last thing she wants to do is homework. But the planner says otherwise:
- A nightly worksheet
- A reading log due Friday
- A separate fluency passage due each Wednesday
- Multiplication practice every day
- Special projects
- And always…the expectation to sit still again tomorrow
I tried to help by writing her answers while she dictated – only to be told that wasn’t allowed. She has to do the writing herself. Cue another battle.
The Tension I Feel as a Parent
I love her school and her teachers. I don’t want to send incomplete homework. I always did mine. But I also hate stealing her outdoor playtime – one of the few things she truly enjoys right now. Homework feels like an unnecessary battlefield in a day that’s already full of them.
Every single week I think it will be different. We’ll get ahead. We’ll start on Sunday. We’ll stay caught up.
And every week, reality hits.
Monday brings another worksheet.
Tuesday brings another meltdown.
By Wednesday, we’re both running on fumes.
I’ve given up several times. Then the guilt creeps back in.
Will she fall behind if we skip it?
Will missing a reading log doom her future?
Why can’t more of this get done at school?
I’m not a teacher. And while we have a great relationship, she doesn’t learn best from me. Most days end with two frustrated people – and sometimes, a worksheet I fill out myself just to make it complete.
Where Do We Draw the Line?
I don’t want her to be treated differently or told she “can’t” do something because of her dyslexia or ADHD. But at the same time – she’s in third grade. She’s already working harder than her peers to focus, fit in, and succeed.
So is it really so terrible to decide homework isn’t the hill to die on?
Does that make me a bad mom or a hypocrite?
Or does it make me a parent who finally recognizes her child’s limits – and her own?
Because the truth is, by the end of the day, we’ve already fought a dozen small battles: Bath time. Nail trimming. Brushing teeth. Finding clothes that “feel right.” Choosing food that “sounds good.” Getting socks on. Getting out the door.
Homework is just one more mountain on an already steep climb.
What I Wish School Considered
Sometimes I wonder: what if school gave as much weight to crafting, building, and imagination as it does to worksheets?
My daughter would thrive. She’d feel proud instead of defeated.
She’s already doing amazing in reading. Her handwriting is beautiful. She can sew a purse, a stocking, or a tote with ease. There are so many wins—but homework still makes us both feel like we’re failing.
To Other Parents in the Trenches
This might sound dramatic, but I know other parents of neurodivergent kids get it. ADHD, dyslexia, sensory differences – they all add extra layers to “just” being in school.
If you’re feeling the weight of homework wars and after-school meltdowns, you’re not alone.
How do you cope with homework and school pressure with your neurodivergent kiddos? Do you fight the battles or let some of them go?
💛 I’d love to hear in the comments below. And if this post resonates, please subscribe to follow more honest conversations about parenting, neurodiversity, and finding calm in the chaos.
Mindful Momma Moments 
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