Whenever I share my daughter’s adoption story, I often hear things like:
“She’s so lucky to have you.”
“She must be so grateful.”
I usually smile and reply, “I’m the lucky one.”
Because here’s the truth: there is nothing lucky about trauma.
There is nothing lucky about:
- Being exposed to violence or substance abuse in the womb.
- Going without prenatal care or proper nutrition.
- Hearing the same voices for nine months then losing them forever at birth.
- Living in multiple foster homes before learning to speak.
- Waiting for biological parent visits that never happen.
- Learning not to cry because no one comes when you do.
These are not signs of fortune. They are the weight of trauma – deep, invisible, and lasting. They follow children long after the world thinks their story has a “happy ending.”
The Day Her World Cracked Open
We had just become foster parents to our daughter when she was 18 months old. I loved her instantly with every fiber of my being. She was joyful, curious, sweet and completely unaware of how much her world had already shifted.
One afternoon, while out shopping, we ran into her previous foster mom and foster brother. We stopped, chatted warmly, and said goodbye.
And then I saw it.
My baby girl broke down in tears. She reached for her former foster mom – sobbing, confused, heartbroken.
She couldn’t explain it with words, but her body remembered.
That woman had been her mom for nearly her whole life. And now she was walking away.
Is that what lucky looks like?
I Am the Lucky One
No, my daughter wasn’t lucky.
But I am.
- I get to be her momma.
- I get to hear her laugh.
- I get to know her favorite songs and silly jokes.
- I get to comfort her through struggles and celebrate her victories.
- I get the very best huggies.
- I get to hold her hand on walks and tuck her in every night.
- I get to watch her grow into the incredible, creative, brilliant person she was meant to be.
I’m the lucky one.
A Note to Other Adoptive Parents
If you’re walking the path of adoption or parenting through trauma, please know: you are not alone.
Your child’s story is layered, sacred, and sometimes heartbreaking – and that doesn’t make your love any less real.
Let’s create a space of honesty and support. Leave a comment below and share your experience or words of encouragement.
💌 Let’s walk this road together.
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