I remember a clear conversation with my college roommate during our senior year. We had just returned to our apartment after a fun night out and started talking about how lucky we were – both dating amazing guys, and thankfully not out searching for a future spouse. We thought we had it all figured out.
She was engaged. I had been dating my high school sweetheart for years and we had already been ring shopping. My roommate and I sketched out our lives over late-night snacks, as if it were that easy:
- Married by 23
- First baby at 25
- Second by 28
- One boy, one girl – of course
- Life all figured and easy by 30
We were so certain our thirties would be a breeze.
When Life Doesn’t Go According to Plan
If this has happened for you, I truly hope you’re enjoying every moment. But for me? That’s not how it went. Not even close.
Just a few months after that dreamy roommate chat, I got engaged. So far, so good. But not long after, the curveball came and we broke up. Un-engaged. Heartbroken.
Graduation loomed. I had no job offers. I was newly single for the first time as an adult. My perfect timeline had officially fallen apart.
Up until then, life had felt like it mostly followed a script. I had a calm childhood, good grades, one college application (and got in), a sweet boyfriend, lots of friends, fun summer jobs – check, check, check. And then suddenly…off script.
Lessons I Didn’t See Coming
That moment – and many after it – taught me what I couldn’t have understood at 21: life is not linear. There are twists, pauses, heartbreaks, and unexpected joy. There are detours that lead to your greatest adventures – including, in my case, becoming a stay-at-home mom through adoption.
I’ll be sharing more stories in the weeks ahead about my journey: the things I’d do differently, the surprises I wouldn’t trade, and how I’ve kept moving forward on this awkward, beautiful path.
My Best Advice at 45
But today, I want to leave you with the one piece of advice I’d give to my younger self (and maybe to yours too):
Stop comparing. So what if you married later, took a different career path, became a mom in an unexpected way, or don’t have the fanciest house? Embrace the season you’re in. Life moves fast.
Some days you’ll look back and long for your tiny apartment and the freedom of a solo Friday night with takeout and rom-coms.
On my wedding day, a dear friend told me to stop every so often and really look around. Take in the faces, the love, the fleeting magic. I did it, and those small moments are now crystal-clear snapshots in my memory.
We don’t get to pause time, but we can be present for it.
Still Figuring It Out at 45
Now, at 45, I still don’t feel like I have it figured out. I still call my mom every Easter for reminders on how to boil eggs. And every summer for corn-on-the-cob tips. And sometimes I even call her to ask where a certain product would be found in the grocery store.
Am I a grown-up? Sure. But sometimes it seems like everyone else got the manual and I didn’t.
So here I am – not comparing, not rushing. Just trying to take in the moments.
Do you ever feel like you’re still figuring it out too? I’d love to hear your story in the comments – we don’t have to have it all together to connect. And if this post resonated with you, I’d love for you to stick around – subscribe below and join me for more honest stories on motherhood, midlife, and all the beautiful detours along the way.
Mindful Momma Moments 
Leave a comment